Not wanting to get out of bed, I laid there, staring at the covers, thinking "I need to write this down because obviously it's important and the Universe is trying to tell me something." As I could feel this idea was all about making progress and changing mindsets, I begrudgingly exited the warm bed, plodded downstairs to find pencil and paper, wrote the ideas down, and then went back to sleep.
This morning, I pulled out my cross stitch supplies, found the exact shade of green in my delirium-induced vision, and tied a bit around my wrist.
Maybe you, too, have been struggling lately with these things? Perhaps you, too, could use a visual reminder?
1. Green for GO
I am prone to analysis paralysis. The thing where "if I just learn more then I'll start" or "I don't have quite all the information I need" or "I need to check over here too before I get going."
HOGWASH. It's perfectionism, it's mainly useless, and it's holding me back.
So this green is for GO, a la a traffic signal. It's not about speed, it's about taking my foot off the brake and applying light pressure to the gas pedal to get my car going forward. One of my favorite Universe metaphors is it's like a GPS system: The Universe will tell you which way to turn but you have to put the car in drive and GO!
My green thread reminds me that when I start questioning my actions "I'm not ready" or "I don't know enough" to gently change my thought to "yes, I do, I know what I need to know to take an action--any action--right now."
2. Green for MONEY
Money is an energy, and as an energy, it needs to flow.
This may sound like crazy-talk to some of you. Money flows into your life at a rate equal to the rate it flows out of your life. Want more to flow into your life? You need to increase how much your money-energy flows out.
For me, that means two things:
-first, I need to not begrudge spending the physical cash I do have. That is lack thinking ("if I spend this, I won't have any more") and simply shuts off the flow.
-second, I need to spend more of my cash-energy, meaning, I need to be spending my energy in ways that give it away to others. I have to trust that increasing my energy flow out will increase my energy flow in.
My green thread reminds me to breathe out the "lack" and breathe in "share" and "give" and "trust" and "abundance." I truly lack for nothing and to dwell in feeling pity does nothing but continue my self-hurt.
Which brings us to 3, which came to me as I was writing the first two, because there's always a 3, because 3 is a magic number:
3. Green for SUPERGREEN
One of my favorite movies is The Fifth Element. Chris Tucker is hilarious as an over-the-top, self-indulgent, cosmic radio-show host. His preferred way of categorizing his joys are levels of "green." Something he particularly likes is "Supergreen!"
Are you struggling with taking care of yourself? I am. I don't mean in a bubble-bath, wine-glass, bon-bon kind of way (fine for her, not for me). I mean in a "I've lost myself and haven't a clue what I actually enjoy doing because I've been taking care of everyone else's needs for so long" kind of way.
Supergreen is about radical self-care. It is about becoming a succulent wild woman. It is about figuring out how to speak (or write or draw or sing or whatever) your truth. It is about making a small space in your brain where you can say yes to yourself and no to someone else, feel the guilt or pain or disappointment briefly, then move into the thing that brings you joy.
I've been doing a lot of sitting with this one and the signal I keep getting is "writing." For as far back as I can remember (and I've been doing a lot of that digging, too), I've done two things: read a lot and write a lot.
I loved researching and writing my thesis. I loved writing college papers. I love writing articles for Marbury. I love writing on my blog. Daily diary entries, my new therapy journal, writing notes to my daughter and husband, writing emails to friends. Words on paper bring me joy.
I'm an extrovert, too, though, so I need to balance all that solo writing with being out in public, getting to know people, helping artists with their projects. It's why journalism, marketing, and fundraising are all truly of a piece for me.
My green thread reminds me to take care of myself daily. I have to go for a walk in the outdoors daily. I have to eat nourishing food daily. I have to take my meds daily. I have to write daily. I have to be present with my daughter and husband daily. I have to practice loving myself daily.
So I'm wearing my thread this month. Like Buddhist Prayer Flags or Kabbalah strings, I figure I'll be mindful of these tenants, work on integrating them into myself and life, and when the time is right, the thread will naturally free itself and go away.
Maybe you're struggling, too, with one of these? Maybe wearing a visual reminder will help bring you focus and mindfulness, too. I'd love to hear about it!